woe is me. *sniffles sniffles* i stubbed my toe. my pet lizard died. the girl down the hall stared at me while i was doing my laundry. my velveeta was crunchy on the corners. the toilet seat had pee on it. i have a mole on my ankle. the dog outdoors wont stop barking. we have pickles, but none are kosher. i wish i was jewish. i wish i had a red race car. i wish the moon would piss off. i feel slow. i think i have a cold. the flu. i have a horrible cellular mutation, i am mutating into a vole! my bed has crumbs in it. my socks smell like doritos and my doritos smell like socks. i cant factor large primes in my head. theres bubblegum under my desk. my butt was pirated. spock pinched my neck. i got cooties from a girl who smells like vanilla. i shot myself in the head metaphorically. with a gun. i dont have a super saver card at the grocery store. the lettuce in my fridge looks like the flag of belize. the dye in mountain dew made me impotent. dave thomas' ghost touched me down there. i touched him back. he took my money.