June 7th, 2007

i'm bored

Relatively speaking, life has gotten much less stressful lately. With five classes behind me, I feel a sudden impulse in expectation, yet none of it renders as action. So many daily events now retired to the past. So goes waking at six to reach Lindsay's Russian class four days a week. Or rushing off to the union building for a quick bite -- bagels and coffee before cramming for a Varki quiz.  Discrete math was supposed to be relentless.  Instead I merely watched it pass by, like an oil tanker on a collision course strifing the path that was meant to collide with me.  Slowly it drifted into oblivion, rendering a sickly pale D- on the report card, doomed to repetition.  And so then goes woodshop to the vestiges of time ad the back of my mind.  Lynn was such an unpassionate woman about her craft.  Pouring my heart, soul, and time into the final project for a final grade of C was mildly heart breaking, here this passtime yet to be realized, nipped so early in the bud by the flippant critique of one woman with little vision... inspiring, she was not.  Work at the lab is hindered by multiple vectors.  Apathy, sloth, boredom, and confusion meld into the perfect distractor.  How is it to be, then?  How am I, with such great expanses of free and deliverable time, to yield such crappy products?  My output of nearly zero aggregates the span of nearly a month.  My four person team?  A prima donna coder, another MIA, the third who has lent himself zero in the six months to the project... group projects?  What an experience, knowing early what you dislike so eagerly in a job. Pfft- Bigger changes are queued for the near future.